“I Don’t Know” Solution

What do I want?
And why?

How you answer these two Life Choice questions will be the difference between a happy in the second half of your life or not. It will be the difference between being having amazing relationships or not.  It will be the difference of being in shape and healthy or not. Basically, your answers to these questions will make a positive or negative outcome in everything you wish to achieve in your menopausal years.

Here the two most powerful Life Choice questions you can ask yourself to create a happy, solid foundation in your life.

What do I want?
And why?

Yep, these two simple questions can sometimes be the hardest questions to answer. When I coach my clients, these are the first two questions I ask them. Do you know what the number one answer I hear is?  “I don’t know.”  They want to be coached to succeed in love, health, or life menopause but they do not know what they want.  In contrast, the clients who share with me exactly what they want and why, by the end of their coaching experience, they have achieved it or close to achieving it. The results are really as different as day and night.  Understanding the importance of having the answers to these two questions, is the first step to creating a strong foundation for happiness and an amazing second adulthood.

Why is it so hard to answer those two questions? I have a theory. First, many of us have had our parents, teachers, friends and/or society tell us “not to want” early on in our lives. Remember when you wanted that favorite expensive toy for your birthday or Christmas, you told your parents or siblings what you wanted and they answered, “That is too expensive – what else do you want that is not so pricey?” How did you feel? Maybe you felt guilty for wanting the expensive toy and felt like you did something wrong. Result, you ended up accepting what you did not want. I like to call it “settling”.  After many experiences similar to this, you just stop wanting. Why? Because you won’t get it. In conclusion, we stop trusting our inner voices who are telling us what we want and desire.  We just turn down the volume and stop listening. So sad.

Now if you are unable to know what you want, then you will not know why you want it.  Let’s take for example. You are over 40 and single and you are telling your friends you want a serious loving relationship. A friend then asks you, What do you want in this relationship? Your mind goes blank. Then your friend asks you. Why do you want this relationship? Again, nothing.  What do you think your chances are you will be in a serious loving relationship anytime soon? Have you ever had something like this happen to you? You can apply this scenario to any dream or desire you have had. Sadly, many of us are out of practice in knowing what we want and why. We just do not know where to start.

Let’s get back to the two questions. What do you want and why? Remember answering these questions are the first steps anyone should take when the way to being happy. They are the bricks and mortar for a strong foundation which to build your successes in anything we do.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if every women would start to desire and dream again!?!

I believe everyone understands, at some level, our dreams and desires do not come from “thinking”. Dreams and desires come from our hearts. They are ignited from within.  You can feel yourself expand, when you have one of these desires ignite.  Anything is possible!  You feel connected to the truth of who you are.  Here is where your why comes in. It has to be strong enough to continue to fuel your desire when your limiting beliefs or anyone wants to stop you from continuing on. By the way, one of your strongest whys can be – Because I know that I know that I know this why I want to do this! When I have this kind of “intuitive why“, watch out world here I come. This why has always powered me to happiness. If you don’t have a powerful why, your foundation for happiness will easily crumble.

Wise Wonderful Women~~Let’s build a strong foundation for your future successes and happiness. Here are a few steps you can take everyday to strengthen your “desire and why” muscles again, so you can begin to trust and listen to your heart and follow your truth to love. It may feel a little strange in the beginning because those wants and why muscles might have atrophied a bit.

As Dr. Christiane Northrup says, ” There is wisdom in menopause.” It is time to embrace it!

After 45 Life Choice Exercise:
Take at least 10-15 minutes in the morning and ask yourself, What do I want for the second half of my life? Take the time to visualize it.
Then ask yourself, WHY? Then get quiet and listen to your answer. Do it over and over again until you feel yourself expand to feel anything is possible.
End your “desire and why” session with gratitude for allowing your desire to be fueled by your empowering why to success and happiness!

When you go through this process you might discover, you really do not want what you thought you wanted or your why did not give you the power you needed to stay motivated. It is OK. It might not be the right time for you to take on this task or you might have uncovered a want or dream which is in more alignment with you at this time. Be patient.

Please keep asking these two Life Choice questions.  Build your happiness foundation with what you want, launch your dreams and desires by having a strong why and land amongst the stars of success! Life doesn’t end after menopause- it is just the beginning! Cheri and Vicki are here with Menopause Happiness Wisdom to support you in this journey!

We would love to hear from you, please leave a comment in the comment section below!


Vicki Kallman is the co-founder of Queen Bee Biz.  As a life coach and emotional releasing expert, she along with her business partner, Cheri Hickman, support women over 40 to Bee Happy before during and after menopause.  We take you from Grumpy to Happy in 60 seconds! Click here for  24/7 happiness. 

Menopause Secret #7 to Bee Happy

Menopause Secret #7

Ladies, it is possible to be happy before, during and after menopause, if you follow all 7 Menopause Secrets to Bee Happy. Unless you want to move to a deserted island for about 10 years, it is critical for you to do everything possible to be happy during your menopausal years. If you do not put yourself first and choose to be happy using our other 6 secrets, your friends, co-workers and family will be dragged through your despair with you.

So please take the time to understand Secret #7 – “Everyone wins when you are happy!” The flip side to that is. “Everyone suffers when you are not happy.”

Is it true that my mood and attitude has a ripple effect on people I have contact with every day? Yes, it is true. Your mood affects other people. Emotions are energy in motion. We are an emotional body as well as a physical body.

Think of a time when you walked into a room after someone had an heated argument, can’t you just feel the crappy energy. Immediately,  you start to feel uncomfortable. Don’t you just want to leave and run away from all the icky stuff! The same holds true with being around a happy person. When you walk into a party and you see people laughing in the corner of the room, don’t you want to go over and see what they are laughing about and be apart of the fun? Yes- your emotions affect those around you 24/7. Let’s repeat that again- YOUR EMOTIONS AFFECT THOSE AROUND YOU!

We all know that “special” pessimistic someone who is hard to be around. They drag you down and you feel emotionally drained after an hour with them. We also know the loving, positive someone that you really enjoy to be around! Just being around them feels you with joy!  Which one are you?? It is not the time to beat your self up.  We know your emotions can be on the edge when you are going through those menopause years. We have been there!! Cheri and I are here to help you to find your ultimate happiness and keep it!  This information is to make you aware to make the changes. Remember–First, we must become aware, so we can change!

With that understanding in mind, we all want to feel loved. We all want our love ones to be happy.  Make your happiness a priority.  Choosing to be happy allows everyone to benefit. Use all the other 6 Secrets to support you to choose to be happy. Also, Cheri and I have online courses to further support you in making those changes. Check out our FREE Happiness Gap Video Series to continue on your path to be the happiest person you know!

If you missed the first 6 Menopause Secrets to Bee Happy, click below to read the posts about each Secret!
Menopause Secret #1
Menopause Secret #2

Menopause Secret #3
Menopause Secret #4
Menopause Secret #5
Menopause Secret #6

We would love to hear from you, please leave a comment in the comment section below!


Vicki Kallman is the co-founder of Queen Bee Biz.  As a life coach and emotional releasing expert, she along with her business partner, Cheri Hickman, support women over 40 to Bee Happy before during and after menopause.  They take you from Grumpy to Happy in 60 seconds! Click here for  24/7 happiness. 

Menopause Secret #6 to Bee Happy!

Ladies, it is possible to Bee Happy before, during and after menopause, if you follow these 7 Secrets.  Secret #6 is Accept and Allow that Love is the Answer!  John Lennon had it right.  It’s been scientifically proven that Love is all you need. Love is in your DNA. You are created to be cooperative and compassionate. The Institute of Heart Math has been researching how YOU are made and how YOU affect your environment. Their studies reveal how your thoughts create the results you have in your life.

So what stops you from having the thoughts you need to create the results you desire? First of all you need to be Aware of what you are thinking each and every nano second of the day. Then you need to practice switching your thoughts from what you don’t want to what you do want. Vicki and I created a Free Video Series called The Happiness Gap, so you can understand how your thoughts control your life and what to do about it. Check out the videos. You’ll be glad you did.

Secret #6 – Allow and Accept LOVE is the Answer

It takes more than just switching your thoughts. It takes allowing and accepting the GOOD YOU DESERVE into your life! You can have all the great thoughts you want, however, unless you ALLOW and ACCEPT the good into your life, you will keep on getting the same results as always. Which means, you need to Love Yourself.

It comes down to “LOVE”. Love is the answer. Vicki and I have been saying this for years. We teach people how to release the negative emotions that keep them in a state of confusion, chaos, stress, and frustration. Our goal is to share what we have learned, over the last decade or so, with as many pre, during, and post menopause women as we can. It has also been proven that you don’t really know who you are until you about 50. That is why we support women from 45 and up in discovering who they really are. That’s the age period when they are asking “Who am I? What am I doing with my life?”

We share with you “All you need is love.” Love yourself first, then you can love everyone else. For more answers check out our Free Video Series called The Happiness Gap.

Don’t stop now- Learn more about our other Menopause Secrets to Bee Happy!

Menopause Secret #1
Menopause Secret #2

Menopause Secret #3
Menopause Secret #4
Menopause Secret #5
Menopause Secret #7

We would love to hear from you, please leave a comment in the comment section below!

Cheri and Vicki are your Queen Bees and co-founders of Queen Bee Biz. As Ambassadors for Happiness, they support amazing women over 40 to be emotional ready to have fun and Bee Happy before, during, and after the “Big Change”. 4 Weeks to Muzzle the Menopause Mess! Click here to show you how!

Menopause Secret #5 To Bee Happy

Ladies, it is possible to Bee Happy before, during and after menopause, if you follow these 7 Secrets. Receive gifts from family and friends with gratitude. It doesn’t matter what the gift is, just know the person thought enough of you to want to give you something. Be grateful that you actually have people in your life that care for you. So here is Secret #5, “Bee a Grateful Receiver!”

Growing up I experienced my mom and aunt always arguing with the other whenever one was going to pay for everything. Neither one would allow the other to pay. Doesn’t it take two to give and receive? In the Far East, it is an insult not to accept a gift. It really does make sense. It takes someone to receive a gift, in order to give a gift.

In essence, I always felt guilty accepting gifts from others. How did the other person feel when I wouldn’t accept their gift? How do you feel when someone turns down a gift from you?

Secret #5 – Receive with gratitude and honor the giver.

I really “got it” after I was told “it takes someone to receive a gift to give a gift”. Now I just say “thank you”. I appreciate the thought and gesture. Receiving a gift with gratitude is the biggest gift you can give the giver.  You might be wondering where all that comes from.  You can find some of the answers in our Free Video Series called The Happiness Gap.

I believe we decline gifts because we feel as though we don’t deserve them. When you get right down to the bottom of it, I would bet this is why. I’ve decided this way of thinking is really selfish, because I’m only thinking of myself in that scenario. Think about the person offering the gift. They want to do something nice for you and here you are refusing?!

In other words, stop being rude when someone is giving you something. Accept the gift and thank them with the deepest sincerity. You’ll realize you are doing them a favor by accepting their offer with gratitude. You’ll Bee Happier knowing you feel good enough about yourself to do this.  Vicki and I created the Free Video Series called The Happiness Gap, so you can understand why you do some of what you do and how to Bee Happier, even pre-, during, and post Menopause!

Let your happiness continue with our other amazing Menopause Secrets to Bee Happy Posts!
Menopause Secret #1
Menopause Secret #2
Menopause Secret #3
Menopause Secret #4
Menopause Secret #6
Menopause Secret #7

We would love to hear from you, please leave a comment in the comment section below!

Cheri and Vicki are your Queen Bees and co-founders of Queen Bee Biz. As Ambassadors for Happiness, they support amazing women over 40 to be emotional ready to have fun and Bee Happy before, during, and after the “Big Change”. 4 Weeks to Muzzle the Menopause Mess! Click here to show you how!

What? – Put Yourself First!?

I get up, put the coffee on, get dressed and ready for work. Cook breakfast (maybe). Take food out of the freezer for tonight. Wake up my husband. Why is it I’m waking him up? He’s a grown man!

Off to work. I like my work. it is a way to get out of the house and use my brain. Not sure I like the hours and lack of flexibility, though.

I need to remember to pick up the dry cleaning before I go to my charity board meeting. So much for cooking dinner tonight. I’ll pick up some fast food on the way home from my meeting.

Dinner at 7:30 pm. I really hate eating so late. At this rate, I’ll never get rid of the extra 15 pounds I’ve put on over the years. No matter what I do, it seems to stick to me. It is depressing to see how my body is changing with age. Yuck! I have good intentions of exercising on a regular basis. I’m just too tired by the time I get out of work, serve on my charities, take care of the house, and do the laundry. I don’t even have the energy or desire to play around with my husband any more.

DOES THIS SOUND LIKE YOU? If so, this article is for you.

The kids are grown and out of the house. You’d think there would be more time for yourself now. However, you are still in the mode of doing for others. It is an ingrained belief that as a woman, it is up to you to be the nurturer. That is the belief instilled in our generation, the Baby Boomers.

Pre, during, and post menopause has you looking at your life, wondering what you are to do now. You’ve spent your whole life taking care of the family and never having enough time for yourself. Now you take up your time with charities and other organizations. You enjoy doing this, however, you still keep putting yourself last.

Isn’t it time for you to Take The Time to do for you? Isn’t it time to put yourself first? All you have to do is get into a habit of taking care of YOU. You get to switch your belief and realize it is OK for you to do what you enjoy. It’s OK take a few minutes each and every day to do something special for YOU. It doesn’t have to be much. Maybe it’s 5 minutes, twice a day, meditating so you can feel more relaxed and calm. Meditation supports your mind and body to Bee Healthy and Happy. You will enhance your memory, be more focused, and calm.

Schedule 30 minutes or more to read, journal, or exercise. During menopause your body changes, so the more you do to feed your body with healthy foods and exercise, the better you’ll feel. Schedule it so you create a habit.

I found I had to commit to a schedule to make a habit, whether it was going to the gym before or after work, committing to stay off sugar, or meditating and journaling. Once I got into the habit, it became easier for me to keep up the “Me Time”.

Get a buddy to support you in creating your “Me Time” and you can support them in their “Me Time”. Have fun with it. Know you deserve to have fun and do for yourself. You’ve spent your whole life doing for others and now it is time for you to do for you. It is OK for you to put yourself first.

I know when I was in my 40’s, someone asked me “What do you want for you?” It took me 3 weeks to even come up with something. My life was work, kids, husband, house. I never took the time to think about me and what I wanted. I didn’t even know how to put myself first.

It was a struggle to realize it was OK for me put myself first. I had to get rid of the belief that I was being selfish if I wanted to do something for me, instead of cleaning the house or fixing dinner. It took a while to figure out how I could have a happy home and a happy me. First I had to be honest with myself and recognize how I felt, then I had to learn how to communicate those feelings with others in the household.

I had to learn to express my desires and wants so I could feel good about myself. Once I was able to communicate what I wanted, I was able to work with the family and get their support in taking on more of what I thought was up to me to get done. All I had to do was ask and let them know how I felt. I became Vulnerable. Wow, was that a challenge.

It is a matter of allowing others to take care of themselves and it doesn’t have to look the way you think it does. Let go of needing to control how something needs to be done and look, so you can enjoy YOU. After you get to be a certain age, you will realize the little things aren’t as important as they used to be. It’s ok for dust to be on the furniture and the floors don’t need to be cleaned EVERY day. So what if the bed HE made isn’t the way you would make it.

Relax, have fun. It is time for you to put yourself first so you can enjoy yourself!

We would love to hear from you, please leave a comment in the comment section below!

Cheri Hickman is the co-founder of Queen Bee Biz.  As a life coach and emotional releasing expert, she along with her business partner, Vicki Kallman, support women over 40 to Bee Happy before during and after menopause.  They take you from Grumpy to Happy in 60 seconds! Click here for  24/7 happiness.

As Ambassadors for Happiness, we support amazing women over 40 to be emotional ready to have fun and Bee Happy before, during, and after the “Big Change”. 4 Weeks to Muzzle the Menopause Mess!  Click here to show you how